My favorite song on the record. It's essentially an unsent letter that became a song. At the end of a relationship I was feeling all of the things you feel when love is denied. I felt abandoned I guess.
I wrote a poem where essentially I said 'My Father never loved me. I know it's not true. But that's how you made me feel. You made me feel like my father never loved me'. Now I sent neither the letter or the poem to my lover. I kept them hidden until one day during recording my manager spoke of how revealing and personal my new album was shaping up to be. She explained how proud she was of my bravery, but that she felt there may still be something I had yet to say. Five minutes later Robert and I went into the studio downstairs while the managers were upstairs drinking wine, and came up with this song.
It's so immediate and so raw. The first time I sang it is what you hear on the record. It almost made me cry and you can pick up on that I think. One of my favorite lyrics ever are the first few lines. Because... denial , anger , bargaining and depression are the first four stages of grief. Acceptance being the final one. And in this song I guess I experience all five of them. I'm glad I never sent the letter but I'm happy the experience gave me this song. What I learned from this is that the anger and emptiness that I felt as a child and in relating to my parents was something I had been carrying with me into my relationships.
This song was the moment I realized that had to change for good.
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